In a previous article, “A perfect email that’s sure to flop,” we talked about an email that appears at first glance to be well written but will fail as a sales tool. Here the explanation continues.
In his 530-word email, an executive in the trucking industry has written a sales email. He uses a lot of words to talk about his own company rather than the problems of his prospect.
Here are the number of times he used pronouns referring to his own company compared to that of his prospect:
- “We” – 24 times
- “I” – 16 times
- “our” – 4 times
- Total = 44 times
Compare that with how many times he used these words that are directed to the prospect themselves:
- “you” and “your” = 15 times
So, the writer focused on himself nearly three times more often than when he referred to his prospect.
Mentally slamming the door
What happens then? Mentally, the prospect just slams the door.
Every good salesperson knows that people like to feel that their problems are being heard. Now, if a salesperson walked into your office and talked exclusively about his wonderful company, you would probably run out the door screaming.
Maybe the numbers should have been switched around – he should have talked about his prospect’s situation 44 times and himself 15 times.
This kind of problem shows why you should hire an experienced copywriter.
Even if you write content that flows smoothly like the poems of Walt Whitman, it can fail if it doesn’t cause the prospect to open their wallet.
Let’s talk
Are you frustrated as to why your emails and direct mail pieces are not reaching the heart of your prospects? Why so few people open your emails, or respond to them with purchases?
Then hire us at Savvy Senior Marketing. It’s worth the investment.
Why not use this marketing method to bring in more clients and customers? Get in touch with us at Savvy Senior Marketing by making an appointment for a free 20-minute phone consult, or by sending us an email.
